Have you ever wasted time with someone in a pointless argument? I had a recent revelation when I had one of these mind melting interactions with my fiancé. We both love tacos and we had recently found a Mexican restaurant with great fish tacos. My fiancé coincidentally also knows I am a HUGE fan of red snapper fish.
One evening we were trying to figure out what we wanted to do for dinner (you know, one of those timeless relationship dilemmas). The conversation went something like this:
Me: how about that Mexican restaurant?
Her: oh, the one with the fish tacos you like?
Me: yes!
Her: That’s the one who has red snapper in their fish tacos, right?
Me: no. who uses red snapper for fish tacos? It wasn’t a Rick Bayless restaurant.
Her: I’m pretty sure it was red snapper.
Me: I don’t think so. They use tilapia.
Her: No. I’m 100% confident it was red snapper.
This back and forth continued for at least 10 minutes. And created a bit of tension between us. Nothing super serious, but it did create some friction.
The next day I was talking with a friend and told him about the red snapper debacle. He knows me well and knows I like to fight; whether verbally, physically or whatever. He asked me, “why didn’t you just say ‘ok’ and be done with it?”
My first thought was “well, I would have lost the argument and she was clearly wrong.” But after thinking about it, I became aware of how much energy both my fiancé and I wasted arguing over something so trivial. And, the effect even this minimally negative engagement would have on our relationship.
Little nit-picking experiences like this add up over time. The more negative feelings you have in a relationship, the more divisive things can become. That’s definitely not the impact I want to have on any relationship in my life. I want my relationships to be filled with compassion, empathy, depth and love.
This is why it is so important to be mindful in our encounters. It’s definitely hard to do as we are distracted by so many things in our life (our jobs, family, friends, responsibilities, etc). But just like anything else worth doing, it takes practice.
The next time you find yourself in a frivolous argument, simply say “red snapper” and let it go. Our connections with others are too important to damage by arguing over silly stuff.
